This user has reviewed the following pubs:
Lancaster Pubs : The Friary pub in Lancaster
'An old cleric like myself is somewhat appalled at this church conversion. As I went forth into the knave and attempted to multiply, my approaches to young student priestess' was repelled. What's the point in converting from holy to hedonistic if there's no-one home in the house of Sodomy ?? A wasted opportunity.'
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Aldcliffe Lance Pubs : The Waterwitch pub in Aldcliffe Lance near Lancaster
'Pleased they got rid of that talentless,tall fellow - just started to turn the place into the putrid magnolia of a pretentious city bar before he mysteriously vanished. Gone are the brooding, glaring staff of Autumn and back are the good old beer monkeys of now. Glorious, gillybusting, galloping gastropubs. Good to get the old Witch back.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Penny Bank pub in Lancaster
'Poppycock and nonsense. Merely giving the filthy hole a clean doesn't warrant "pub of the year" - feature the distinct lack of any non-routine cask beers, the noisy pomposity called "music", the proliferation of oddities and curiosities that an un-gentlemanly fellow might call "regulars" and then frequent this atmospheric vacuum with wary reluctance.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Yorkshire House pub in Lancaster
'Scratch and sniff pub. What you see is what you get and that's enough for an old sea cat like me. Jacobean juice leashed to an old meaty ale with just a hint of horseradish soup. Beautify the beer, the saint of Lancaster ale haunts. Called the House in my home, where the War of the Roses is still in full force. Board up the front door, chain up the daughters, arm yourself with a spike - Boycott, Hague, Parkinson and yet more of their county brethren are still at large.'
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Lancaster Pubs : The Sun Hotel & Bar pub in Lancaster
'Ye Gods what has happened here ? Upon stumbling into one of my jolly old haunts I hunted in vain for lost nostalgia... Where is the loud juke box, Hofmeister beer and laser disco lights of yesteryear. Instead I'm faced with the fashionable face of bearded beer - a sculpted goatee is still a beard and ale from Lancaster doesnt make it kule you know !?? An old land lubber like myself likes a pub with pedigree and this is a mutt with a history. Fornicating fabulistic foibles mingle with drop dead gorgeous ideosyncracies. A pub for all seasons - just don't go in the Winter - two is company, 350 is a crowd. Lashings of stone with just the merest hint of wood - are we talking about this pub, or is it an accurate description of me ? Cobblestones.'
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Lancaster Pubs : The Three Mariners pub in Lancaster
'Flim flam. Christmas holidays always bore me and fuel my anger... Skulking in the shadows yeterday I perchanced upon this hostelry. Only an angry fool could dislike such corporate interior design, this is the Emporer's new clothes. The moon to the wise man's sun, happily this moon isnt made of cheese or the Sun would happily serve it up with tomato chutney and bread. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The John O Gaunt pub in Lancaster
'Angry ? I'm incandescent !! Woe woe woe is me that ventured into this once picture of pedantic pub puritanism. An old air cadet like myself takes solice in fine beer and the idle melodious quaffles of jazz not the miserable mumblings of methodoned musical mayem that mingles with the messy ashtrays, and lip smeared mugs of murky mead. Like my old Wing Commander would always say - if you're going to go down, go down ablaze with dirty glasses and over priced tart tasting beer. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The Sun Hotel & Bar pub in Lancaster
'Ridiculous rating on this pub - how on earth can it be rated lower than the Merchants, the Green Ayre or the Boot and Shoe. Ludicrousnessticity. This is a comfortable "9" an oasis of modest pleasure amongst a sea of grim medocrity. There is nowhere else in the city centre to bother with - if the Sun's closed, go home and weep for what's left of your meaningless life. '
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Lancaster Pubs : Metro pub in Lancaster
'Full of my kind of people. Tall, thin chaps with a penchant for hotspots and looking for ladies with which to strike it lucky. '
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Aldcliffe Lance Pubs : The Waterwitch pub in Aldcliffe Lance near Lancaster
'Good pub, calms my anger on cold, frosty days. But what is it with the picture above ?? Was the photographer suffering a break down when he took this. '
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Lancaster Pubs : Walkabout pub in Lancaster
'Vacuous, vagabond venue where venerable vegetables vaunt vestibules of very variable vump. Vump is an Australian term for beer, or it would be if it were true. Aliteration aside, this asidious ale house is just awful. Don't walkabout, sprint straight out. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The Bowerham pub in Lancaster
'Pleasantly potterable. The Phoenix Club of Lancaster with a vast array or wannabees and gonnaneverbees, karaoke, kwizzes and kitkats (pub food at the Bowerham). Nice place to get lost and never be found. Pointless bowling green behind for the terminally drunk. Bowls.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Revolution pub in Lancaster
'An old anarchist like myself loves to rebel. My old friend Lenin once told me "It is impossible to predict the time and progress of revolution. It is governed by its own more or less mysterious laws". A swift knee in the groin took care of Mr Goatee. However, perhaps he had a point... When wandering through this wanton wasteland of waxed wenches and wasted whelks, I pondered and a revelation - this is a mere theme bar ! Vodka and vapid doesnt make a revolution - A revolution is impossible without a revolutionary situation. This over cooked turkey isnt revolution, it's revolting.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Blue Anchor pub in Lancaster
'When wandering furiously with Mrs Angrywoman past "Barratts Shoes" I was surprised to hear her exclaim "you put the boom boom into my heart!". Physiologically incorrect but pleasant ear fodder all the same... but one glance at old angrywoman's face told me this was no love uttering . What tawdry game were my ears playing upon an old paranoid romantic like myself? Like a sniffer dog hunting a cabbage I tracked down the aural offender to the Blue Oyster, I mean Anchor. Why does this fabulous establishment, one of the world's original "theme" pubs need a speaker outside it's front door pumping out Wham ? Is it not enough to mystify even the wisest men with the conundrum - how did they fit a real 16th Century ship into a 1970s style, God awful, back street boozer ? A true maritime mystery we can all ponder. Answers on a postcard to the "You thought it was clever getting a ship into a bottle" competition, PO Box 1, Lancaster. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The Borough of Lancaster pub in Lancaster
'Sitting in splendid isolation, sandwiched between the salubrious sity sentre and semi-suburbia this stately pub is a curious mixture of interesting foibles and failed self-indulgence. Do the plusses outweigh the negatives ? Probably... just. Positives - the place looks lovely from the outside, it has a sense of purpose and certainty. The owner's have been brave in going down the cask ale route and some of the leather furniture is gentleman clubtastic. The eating area has a certain panache and I'm always a fan of booths (too much riff raff in asda). However, the negatives are significant. The gangrene green is just awful and oppressing, the lovely leather chairs take up too much room and mean there's literally nowhere to sit when there are more than 20 people in the bar, the bar constantly runs out of beer, the bar area is too small, the nightclub style music is misplaced and the food is utterly mediocre. Mrs Angrywoman wasnt comfortable at all and was keen to depart after a hit and miss meal and 20 minutes looking for a seat (it wasnt that busy). I've some people say it's the new Water Witch and I dont agree - this is the new Crow's, fast food served in grandeur with a pint of bitter chaser. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The Three Mariners pub in Lancaster
'After a tiring day teaching old tricks to new dogs I decided to kill a cat and satisfy an old curiosity. An old former Nobel prize winning philospher like myself knows his own mind and I'd hated my last trip to this quaint little hovel. That said I'd tired of feeding the money- hungry gay couple that own the Sun and wanted a fresh four walls upon which to ponder. I've cluttered up the bar at the Three Mariners for the last few days bringing hope and joy to their miserable customer base. The beer is tasty, the serving wenches only midly irritate and the locality to the Angrypad is perfect. Still find the Coco the Clown styling an offence to my far-sighted, fashionable feelings but whilst pondering I realised I'd rather be bewitched by a barker than the bumbling beer boys.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Mint Cafe pub in Lancaster
'My God this is a desperate place. Like having a beer in the owner of Ikea's head. Topps Tiles flooring, B&Q lighting, DFS seating and customers that thank their lucky stars everyday for the concept of inheritance - Pathetic posing prats, posturing and prattling like pre-pubescent parrots. This is everything I hate about life. I love the owner though, miserable, lazy and aggressive - she's my kind of woman !'
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Lancaster Pubs : Gregson pub in Lancaster
'Save the Whale, Ban the Bomb, After the Fox and Suck a Duck. All phrases likely to be heard in this left-wing, reactionary den of equality. How's the beer though Mr A(?),I hear my fans shout. Well, for Gregson regulars the beer is an irrelevance as most of it gets caught in their beards. For a clean shaven young MacArthurist like myself it's reasonable. Bit too Thwaites' for my liking, in my world Bomber is two things: a Thwaites beer and a solution to the aforesaid Thwaites beer. That said, this is a liberal fleapit with fancy furniture and good karma. They even allowed me to remain in the bar after spending a good 20 minutes blowing my own trumpet.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Royal Hotel pub in Lancaster
'I hate this pub. I hate tapas. I hate Thwaites' beer. I hate Crows. I hate pale laminated wood flooring. I hate cheap theme pubs. Rubbish.'
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Lancaster Pubs : The Varsity pub in Lancaster
'This is a hell hole of grim mediocrity only suitable for the brain dead, students and lazy-good-for-nothing bed dwellers who spend all day reading Pubutopia. I hate the idle apart from Billy Idle and Eric Idle, I have an angry lust for these two. A conceptual vacuum.'
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Lancaster Pubs : The Penny Street Bridge pub in Lancaster
'How many of these blasted reviews do I have to write before I get listed amongst the "best contributors" ?? It's bad enough visiting these desperate dives without being forced to relive the miserable experience in writing. Anyway, Farmers Arms... An old agricultural consultant like myself knows a lot of farmers. Dirty great lumbering men of the country who dig, plant and kill for a living. Trust me when I tell you that even the earthiest farmer chiselled from the carcasses of Welsh sheep would not be seen dead in this place. The only time a farmer would enter this venue would be after an altercation with an agricultural machine, and even then it would only be the farmer's arms. '
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Lancaster Pubs : Penny Bank pub in Lancaster
'My my... it's getting better in here. Looks a cleaner, brighter and happier place. Still got a maelstrom of machismo mulchers making the place look untidy but customers aside this is leaping from grubby dire pit to pleasant mediocrity. Still stinks of fags though, get better ventilation people.'
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Aldcliffe Lance Pubs : The Waterwitch pub in Aldcliffe Lance near Lancaster
'Heard some bar slave talking about new chairs and tables for this place. It needs it - the current chairs came straight from the Farmer's Arms last refurb and the tables look like theyve fallen off a roof. If they'd not spent any of their furniture budget for the past three years they might be able to afford to replace the broken light bulbs in the gents. Beer's nice though, I had a lancaster blonde whilst propping up the bar. Very accommodating the witch's bar staff... '
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Aldcliffe Lance Pubs : The Waterwitch pub in Aldcliffe Lance near Lancaster
'The bar slave was right. Snazzy...'
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Lancaster Pubs : Mood pub in Lancaster
'Entering Mitchell's flagship style bar did absolutely nothing for my mindless rage. Indeed my mood was curdled to the point of incandescent, eye popping fury. This place is quite probably the ugliest, pointless and dreariest dump in Lancaster. Witness the desperate "mood" lighting, the "mood" lifting range of working-man club draught beers, the "mood"y staff and suicide inducing "mood" styling. Mood is to be avoiding by all apart from their staff, Mitchell's senior management and Lancaster public health officer. Truly terrible. '
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Lancaster Pubs : Litten Tree pub in Lancaster
'THIS is a lovely PLACE run by smashing people who work hard to achieve wonderful results. The beer quality IS fabulous, A riotious orgasm of taste and tongue delights. MINDNUMBING music is not on the aural menu as the hip sounds of Kylie and Bucks Fizz dominate. DUMP yourself on the hospitable mercy of the smashing staff and management of the Litten Tree.'
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Lancaster Pubs : George & Dragon pub in Lancaster
'Anna-Cella !! I like the cut of your gib. You're my kind of lady. Pleased by the humblest of fleapit pubs and the kind of gal that finds happiness in the very deepest depths of despair. You'd get on well with Angrywoman. The George & Mildred is a cacophony of cumbersome concepts carefully coupled with charismatic pies.(I couldnt think of a word beginning with "c" that meant "pies" - answers on a postcard to "Shut up and get a life", 1st floor, The Office, Morecambe). I've been known to pine for a really great Lancaster pub - when the G&M came along I pine no longer. The place is full of the stuff. Farmhouse flim flam.'
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Lancaster Pubs : The Borough of Lancaster pub in Lancaster
'Heard some rumours about this place that are scientifically proven to be 26 times more delicious than the Borough's food. Delicious, delicious, delicious. I can't repeat them on here, however when I'm sipping my GORDON'S gin and tonic tonight, trying to RAM the top back on the bottle whilst insisting on having my SAY on the latest issues with angrywoman. I'll contemplate further on the salicious deliciousness of the whole story !! Buttered scones anyone ? Delicious. '
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Lancaster Pubs : Blue Anchor pub in Lancaster
'It's been two looooong years since I visited this maritime marvel. Lovely old naval nicety that I love dearly. That said, I wouldnt drink any beer as it looks like it hasnt been cleaned since 1648. Avoid the rush and go on a Saturday or Friday evening.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Boot & Shoe Hotel pub in Lancaster
'Now on its 58th manager since April 2007. Do what I do - buy nice beer in Booths and drink it quietly in the Boot and Shoe. When you're spotted and subsequently barred go the following week and the new manager wont know a thing !! This week I'll be going with a bottle of Old Spice and a smile.'
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Lancaster Pubs : George & Dragon pub in Lancaster
'Bought a pint of beer here and was charged £8000. "FRAUD" I screamed - I was wrong the beer did cost £8000 and I was inaccurate in claiming it was a fraud. Spent 4 weeks sat in a small room in Preston thinking about my error. Lots of pine.... er.... that's it.'
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Lancaster Pubs : Mint Cafe pub in Lancaster
'Notes on making a review...
a) Cleanliness of pub - VERY CLEAN DUE TO NO CUSTOMERS WHATSOEVER
b) Customer Service - VERY GOOD DUE TO NO CUSTOMERS WHATSOEVER
j) Interesting Historic or architectural features - ooooooh, so many. I love the use of pre-Blair plastering nicely mixed with post-Anthony Eden designer chairs.
h) Pub type? Trendy bar? Traditional? Brew pub? - this is a new genre, I call it a vacuum pub as once you get inside there is absolutel nothing. No style, no atmosphere and no customers. Did I mention it was empty ?
Mint it aint. '
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Lancaster Pubs : The Penny Street Bridge pub in Lancaster
'Due to the recommendations made by this website viz-a-viz comments I can and can't make about pubs, I have decided not to make any comments at all about this terrible hell hole. And I thought we won the war...'
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